It is not always possible to maintain no contact during separation, especially in cases involving children. What is common in these situations is for at least one party to find communication difficult post separation, feeling that the other’s words are meant to be hurtful and are made maliciously.
Here are five practical tips that our Gold Coast family lawyers have to make post-separation communication smoother and less stressful:
If communication with your former partner tends to escalate into conflict, we recommend avoiding telephone or face-to-face contact as best you can, as these can be unpredictable and off-the-record. These conversations can lead to finding yourself in situations which may become heated or challenging and may harm your relationship with the other parent or your case.
It is best to receive all communication through text and email to ensure a paper trail of the communication, which may be later referred to in your case. Writing letters, emails and text messages minimises the risk of ‘he-said-she-said’ in your family law matter and ensures a clear record of all communication to present to the court as evidence if needed.
Whether this is a family member or a close friend, it is helpful to have someone to reach out to when an inflammatory message comes in. This ‘rationaliser’ can provide perspective to prevent an emotional reaction and may even suggest when it is necessary to delay responding or seek legal advice prior to responding.
It is essential to protect your children from conflict, hearing conversations about sensitive matters or being used as messengers. If toxic communication continually occurs around the children, work with a family lawyer to request that such behaviour be addressed and stopped.
Creating a barrier between you and your former partner in circumstances where toxic communication cannot be managed, by having your family lawyer manage communications on your behalf, can be extremely beneficial for your mental health and general wellbeing. This gives you time and space and removes the stress that is associated with the anticipation of calls and texts which may appear at any time.
You can direct your former partner to forward all communications to your lawyer. Then, your family lawyer can control the flow of information and communication to you. They will notify you of any urgent matters and generally keep you informed as your matter moves forward, allowing you to make decisions with a clearer mind.
If toxic communication escalates into harassment, threats or harmful behaviour and other methods have failed, it may be necessary to apply for a Temporary Protection Order (‘TPO’). A TPO can legally limit contact between you and your former partner, offering a layer of security and mental relief. In extreme circumstances of abusive or unmanageable communication, this may be the best option for the safety and peace of mind of you and your children.
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