Publications & News
Co-parenting involves both parents actively participating in the child’s life, working together to raise the child in changed living conditions. Whether it’s schooling, discipline, medical needs or living conditions, the focus should always be on the best interests of the child. What is in a child’s best interests will differ from family to family, particularly in cases of younger children versus older children, but successful co-parenting is achievable with the right approach.
Here are ten tips from a family lawyer to help navigate the complexities of co-parenting:
If you and your ex-partner have successfully agreed on parenting arrangements, you can formalise this arrangement, ensuring both parents understand the agreement can help to avoid disputes in the future. The agreement should address decision-making for major decisions about the children, contact and visitation (including holidays and special occasions), medical needs and travels.
Under the Family Law Act 1975 (Cth), you can formalise parenting arrangements in two ways:
If you cannot agree, consider working with a mediator or, if mediation is unsuccessful (or there are urgency or safety concerns), applying to the court for parenting orders. Going through court can be costly and stressful, so it is ideal to settle disputes without litigation if possible.
In every co-parenting scenario, there are bound to be moments where it is challenging, and you may want to shout or say hurtful things to your co-parent. In these situations, it is important to take a breath and think about your child’s future. Imagine moments like your child’s graduation, or wedding day, or the birth of your first grandchild. Consider the impact unreasonable behaviour in this moment may have on preventing you from standing beside each other on those special occasions. If those are moments you want to be happy and have special memories, take a breath, remain calm and diffuse the situation as much as possible.
Your ‘business’ is taking care of your children, so approach communication as you would in a professional relationship. Be cordial and respectful and stick to the facts and what directly impacts the children. Whatever you write or say should be specific, clear and brief to avoid misinterpretation. Avoid emotional outbursts, name calling or any gestures which may escalate tension.
You should encourage your children to grow up with feelings of respect and admiration for both parents, as this is beneficial to their well-being and general stability. Even if your co-parent does not show the same courtesy in speaking positively of you, try to take the high road and explain to your children that people say things that they don’t necessarily mean when they are upset. Negative comments can be damaging to your child’s emotional well-being. Communicate directly with your co-parent instead of relaying messages through your children.
Grievances aired on social media can have lasting consequences. Something you write in haste or after a few wines may seem harmless at the time but may haunt you for years to come, damaging your relationship with your co-parent, children or being used against you in court proceedings. No good can come from emotionally charged venting on social media. We suggest keeping the relationship and any issues between you, your ex-partner and a few close confidants, and if you need to vent, keeping it private.
Flexibility, to some degree, is necessary as unfortunately emergencies, special events, extra-curricular activities and other events may interrupt your schedule throughout your co-parenting experience. This does not mean you have to agree to or propose ongoing changes to existing arrangements but accepting that things don’t always go to plan will make it significantly easier to accommodate your children’s ever-changing needs. Keep your co-parent informed and up to date with important events and appointments and aim to give sufficient notice whenever possible.
Platforms like Coparenting Plus, Two Houses, Cozi or Our Family Wizard are designed to help separated parents communicate more effectively and manage shared responsibilities. Features like shared calendars, expense tracking and secure messaging reduce the likelihood of miscommunication or toxic exchanges and create a neutral space for discussing parenting matters.
Whether you are hurting or have moved on, respect is crucial in co-parenting. Be polite and open to communication. Focus on building a respectful relationship for the sake of your children, setting aside personal emotions to work collaboratively in the children’s best interests. Keep your co-parent informed, ask their opinion where you are willing to, try not to criticize or place blame and remember that small gestures can make the world of difference.
When the kids are with your co-parent, give yourself some important ‘me time’. This could be anything from catching up with friends, going to see a movie, doing housework or working out in the gym. Sitting around and moping will only highlight the negatives of the situation and leave you feeling upset. Avoid intruding on your co-parent’s time with the children and allow space for them to nurture their relationship with the children.
Counselling or therapy can be invaluable in managing the emotional challenges of separation and co-parenting.
If legal guidance is needed, a Family law solicitor can assist in establishing parenting plans, mediating disputes and offering tailored advice on effective communication with your co-parent.
By following these tips and maintaining focus on your child’s best interests, co-parenting can become a positive and successful experience for everyone involved.
"*" indicates required fields
